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BROKEN PIECESđź’” FROM LOLADE (For LettersToHim)


 Dearest Tonderai,

I know by the time you will be reading this letter you'd have already figured it out that I am no where close by, Yes- I left.

I left because I saw it fit to. I left because there clearly was no purpose and direction in all that we had and all that we did. I left because every feeling I had for you vanished like smoke in the air. I left because the sparks and goosebumps I usually had whenever you held me tight or stand in front of me where no longer within me. I left because my love for you died. It died because there were too many errors and shortcomings between us more than loyalty and laughter. They say real connection happens with loyalty-honesty and respect; my love for you died because you began to care less about every little detail of us; the memorable days. It died because you seem to have been carried away and lost with your life. Lust has taken over you. It died because every part of me became a center of discussion between you and Angella, Omega, Zendaya, Annie, Oracao and Teshe. It died because it got to you to discuss our adventures and plans with Nime, Amanda, Ngana and Twelve- I am no where on the list. It died because it is certain that the sensation and connection between us melted down and I just do not want to revive a relationship that has died.

I know that, some days are slow and heavy full of blank ideas and that's okay. I have carried it all, every broken piece and grief that has overwhelmed me.

I realized that I have been denied simple happiness, I tried to fight for what we had until there was no strength left in me so I chose to let go.

It's sad how feelings rot away leaving something so bitter behind but I have promised myself that; as I let go of us- I will recreate a new life where you will no longer exist because the thought of you is calculated as misery and your name tastes like sin.

I was like a caged bird begging to be set free and I wondered of how people get love to stay and it doesn't look forceful, they say love is a piece of peace and that all is fair in love but from how our love story turned out to be -chaotic and full of storms, there's nothing to stay for. There's a wreckage inside of me; nothing makes my heart beat out of my chest for you-no more.

At the steep cost of my heart, I have too many scars to count.
Loving you has been disorienting and life-altering; But, I am at ease and I feel lighter.
I realized that; I shouldn't crave for someone who broke me- someone who twisted every part of me inside out.

The thought of getting over you used to ache in my bones but I decided to Inhale-Exhale-Breathe and the weight of being alive have made me find divine dignity. Oooh! and then again, I now believe that indeed you just can never be enough for everyone. So my Darling, do know that; I have met peace, Finally and I hope you will have the courage to dream big and let go of things that will eventually destroy you.


Yours truly

Lolade❤️

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