Skip to main content

BROKEN PIECESđź’” FROM LOLADE (For LettersToHim)


 Dearest Tonderai,

I know by the time you will be reading this letter you'd have already figured it out that I am no where close by, Yes- I left.

I left because I saw it fit to. I left because there clearly was no purpose and direction in all that we had and all that we did. I left because every feeling I had for you vanished like smoke in the air. I left because the sparks and goosebumps I usually had whenever you held me tight or stand in front of me where no longer within me. I left because my love for you died. It died because there were too many errors and shortcomings between us more than loyalty and laughter. They say real connection happens with loyalty-honesty and respect; my love for you died because you began to care less about every little detail of us; the memorable days. It died because you seem to have been carried away and lost with your life. Lust has taken over you. It died because every part of me became a center of discussion between you and Angella, Omega, Zendaya, Annie, Oracao and Teshe. It died because it got to you to discuss our adventures and plans with Nime, Amanda, Ngana and Twelve- I am no where on the list. It died because it is certain that the sensation and connection between us melted down and I just do not want to revive a relationship that has died.

I know that, some days are slow and heavy full of blank ideas and that's okay. I have carried it all, every broken piece and grief that has overwhelmed me.

I realized that I have been denied simple happiness, I tried to fight for what we had until there was no strength left in me so I chose to let go.

It's sad how feelings rot away leaving something so bitter behind but I have promised myself that; as I let go of us- I will recreate a new life where you will no longer exist because the thought of you is calculated as misery and your name tastes like sin.

I was like a caged bird begging to be set free and I wondered of how people get love to stay and it doesn't look forceful, they say love is a piece of peace and that all is fair in love but from how our love story turned out to be -chaotic and full of storms, there's nothing to stay for. There's a wreckage inside of me; nothing makes my heart beat out of my chest for you-no more.

At the steep cost of my heart, I have too many scars to count.
Loving you has been disorienting and life-altering; But, I am at ease and I feel lighter.
I realized that; I shouldn't crave for someone who broke me- someone who twisted every part of me inside out.

The thought of getting over you used to ache in my bones but I decided to Inhale-Exhale-Breathe and the weight of being alive have made me find divine dignity. Oooh! and then again, I now believe that indeed you just can never be enough for everyone. So my Darling, do know that; I have met peace, Finally and I hope you will have the courage to dream big and let go of things that will eventually destroy you.


Yours truly

Lolade❤️

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

AWAKENING: STORIES UNTOLD, STORIES UNHEARD AND STORIES UNREAD

Correct me if I am wrong, but I remember all the words you like to say behind closed doors. She whispered in my ear “I take you as you are and you will be. I won’t try to change you but I will ride out change with you. I see you and I will never ask you to be less or more.” With words so charming and full of meaning, that’s how she destroyed me. I have been awed and terrified by the experience of being in love to the extent that when it’s love, I’d rather close the book and put it back on the shelf. I do not know how to hate no matter how much I have been wronged. I met Tuseke when I had gone for my usual check-up at the hospital. She was there to visit her grandmother who was gravely ill and on admission. She had asked for directions to get to the elderly female ward, that was just the same way to Doctor Mayepi’s office. My all time go to health practitioner. We walked hand in hand and talked about a few things on science and medicine. She hated being around the hosp...
Post a Comment
Read more

I LIVE

  The phase I was in weeks ago made me question my existence on earth “perhaps, has my time elapsed?” I have escaped a number of accidents for two weeks in a roll. I was on bed rest. Got back on feet and faced yet another accident day after day “I thought my life has come to an end.” “I could barely let food pass my throat; the fear-anxiety and the stress all over it of what becomes of me the next day was too much for my mind” “is death beckoning me?” I asked myself a couple of random questions just to be sure I was on a right spot - safe and sane “I must repent.” “Change my ways, stay sane even in the midst of the rumbling thunder that was ready to take over in my brain.” So I rose up, charged myself up “enough is enough.” My mother had already said a prayer of favor  over me. She blessed me right from the day I was conceived. “You shall not die before your time, you shall live to fulfill  your purpose on earth; No man anywhere will deny you of your dues, the harvest of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

LETTER TO KAMBANI

  Dearest Kambani, I write this note to you for there is an ache in my ribs. Your sugar-coated deceit made its way through and I felt like all the air left my lungs after I heard and read out all your lies. You said; “I will answer you before you even call to me.” Little did I know you were trying to memorize Jeremiah 33:3 on me. You said; “I will be your peace.” But; Don’t be my peace. I already have that. First, be at peace with yourself and everything around you. I know this note will make you remember the warmth of my touch, how it made your heart race, the joy you claimed I brought to you. I had mixed portions of happiness and loyalty between the things I love and you with a pinch of sugar to align the moments. That’s how much I cared. I am blooming in your absence after being trapped in the cage of your lies and deceit, after you sliced me a dose of pain and moments of tears. Leaving you came hand in hand with finding myself – Broken but Function...
Post a Comment
Read more

WHISPERS AND PROMISES

  In this story of mine you have always been the best chapter! I’d rather take all the storms than have all the sunshine days without you around!   Though emptiness consumes me I surely will wait on time to lead me to you, for you hold the pieces that makes me whole! I met an angel; I saw it in your eyes with whispers and lost in your gaze making myself a promise to never let go of you! 
Post a Comment
Read more

LETTER FROM JERICHO

  Let me be a man who will never compromise the truth but rather speak of the truth in love. Let me be bold and be trusting you in all things that are worrisome to me. Let me heal all my wounds instead of spreading the pain. Let me outgrow all the spaces I have shrank myself to fit. Let me pick up courage with my hands even when I am not sure of how strong they are to hold it all.
2 comments
Read more