LET'S TALK ABOUT SGBV TODAY!! (Sexual and Gender Based Violence)

SGBV = Sexual and Gender Based Violence is violence committed against a person because of his/her sex or gender. Books and experts have it that SGBV is more of forcing another person to do something against their will through violence, coercion, threats, deception, cultural expectations or economic means.

ü  Realistically, Sexual and Gender Based Violence is pervasive and there are a series of consequences for victims and their families.
To fight SGBV there should be a channel of measures and efforts, awareness campaigns and Support Services for Survivors (SSS method), there’s a need to come up with an inclusive and safe environment to promote the respect for all genders as a way of preventing and responding to SGBV.

ü  The painful reality of SGBV is that it could have been any one of us or it has been so many of us.
Voices are really pervasive in discussions about SGBV and it has shifted responsibility off of the group on who is committing or perpetrating the vast majority of the violence.
Every individual is a potential threat before they are anything else.
SGBV should and must be treated as an emergency in our circles and societies.

ü  Awareness plays a pivotal role in tackling sexual violence.
Once the definition has been understood, the causes and consequences – one can actively advocate towards prevention and support survivors on their healing journey by:

·       Engaging in meaningful conversations.

·       Challenging harmful norms.

 

BROKEN PIECES FROM BRUCE (Sexual and Gender Based Violence)

 

Never did I imagine that marriage could be this difficult for me.
I married a woman whom I timelessly called my best friend. We had a great understanding of each other’s needs and desires. But I am disturbed from the recent change of behaviour and a turn of events. I am losing it.
I have been going through sexual violence in my marriage and it’s no lie that my partner needs help.
At this moment, I am beginning to suspect that my decision to marry was either haste, wrong and extremely a bad decision.

Akante was that sweet girl I kept thanking God over in the very first days of both our relationship and marriage. We had kept ourselves apart on sexual issues until the night of our wedding.
Our first sex escaped was great and gentle, nothing to worry about until three months over it when Akante made me resort to certain kind of weird sex positions and experiences and it’s been giving me sleepless nights and making my days uncomfortable.
“Sex is a crucial part in marriage.” I read that in the books. But my wife has been making it as scary as no one would dream of.

She thought we weren’t trying or better still doing enough as a couple should, she termed it as a tasteless and value-less sex. She would tease me on how we barely last five minutes and how I had on multiple occasions failed to make her reach orgasm.  The teasing then started making me feel creepy and fear was all over me. It didn’t sound funny anymore. It was more less like an honest opinion from a sex-starved woman.

The next day, she walked into our bedroom with a “Kama Sutra” book in her hands, she seemed so excited and narrated how she got hold of the book and how she was eager for us to explore over it. She had a bucket full of ideas on most of the sex positions listed in the book and to my amazement she went further to suggest that we could go for more referencing on YouTube.
As a good husband, I didn’t want to disappoint her so I obliged to her ideas of us exploring over sex satisfaction. We got to the extent of having sex just anywhere as it pleased her, from the kitchen to the living room, my study room, in the car, in mine or her office and even in the garden of our backyard in the middle of the night. The number of times I had tried to sit her down over the whole act are countless, every time I try to caution her, she ends up accusing me of either seeing another woman or that maybe I don’t want her sexually and I kept on forcing myself to do it the way she wanted.
We got to a point where she would want me to use Viagra, I took those pills like a doctor’s prescription, she made sure I took them just in time and the way she wanted.
She went further to always want us to use sex toys. To my surprise, she came home one evening with a box full of adult toys and games; we had an argument over it throughout the night and she ended up using a vibrator right in front of me. Shamelessly, she told me she had other toys like an*l rings and an*l beads which she couldn’t wait to use on me. Deep regrets covered in fear were all over me.
I know Akante loves to explore but the things she was getting us into are too much for my mind and her sanity as well.

“Sexual violence is sexual act or behaviour inflicted on an individual, violating their autonomy, bodily integrity and sexual rights. A grave form of violence that causes distress and encompasses various actions that occur without a person’s consent.”
I have become a book-maniac trying to process what I am going through. I am too ashamed to open up to my family and friends over the recent sexual behaviour of my wife; she has become a demon. I am just not ready to be mocked and laughed at for not being a man and not showing up off his strength sexually but the whole thing is eating me up for it has got to a point where my wife would flog me if I fail to make her reach orgasm or if I would last ten minutes less in bed. She wants to be the lead, the moment she says “start”, “stop”, “slow”, “faster” I am supposed to follow that and if I don’t, I am lined up for a grave punishment.

The last thing I got myself with her that has made me call it quit is when she requested for a third party during our sexual moment. I have fully realized where the whole thing is driving us to. It is no good. Indeed, the woman I married is in for my mental breakdown.