LET’S TALK ABOUT ABUSE AND TRAUMA TODAY!!

Did you know?

Two in six women and two in eight men experience abuse in their lifetime?

Abuse is one of the most pressing human and societal problems. Either domestic, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, mental, physical and more.

Abuse is subtle and it is sneaky. Most abusers are cunning and manipulative. They are aware of what’s going on and what they are doing. Most people abuse to gain control or power over their spouses or partners.

Over 60% of cases in the family courts involve ‘domestic abuse.’
Most marriages and relationships are going through a different type of abuse; some blame it on culture but Abuse can never be justified by cultural norms. Cultural beliefs shouldn’t be an excuse for inflicting pain or fear upon others.

There is a difference between a person who hurts you by making a mistake,
and a person who hurts you by continuing a pattern.
Mistakes can be forgiven. Patterns must be broken. – Ella Hicks

And one thing to put into mind is; it’s not always women who are abused, sometimes it’s the opposite way around. Women belittle men every day, they insult them, use them as punching bags and blame them for everything going wrong in the women’s life.

I have met abused women and men who swore not to leave their marriage or relationship certainly because they either made an investment with their spouse or partner or they have children together. They don’t realize that Abuse is a pattern of negative behaviour and it eventually continues; it may be passed down through generations.
Choosing to stay with an abusive partner solely for the sake of keeping the family together might seem like a selfless act, but in reality, it can inflict deep and lasting wounds on everyone involved leading to ‘Mental problems.’

When a victim is in an abusive situation, they tend not to think about the long-term effect such acts may have on them, they just try to survive one day at a time. The long-term effect of abuse is trauma.
Trauma responses can be so loud, intense and pervasive to the extent that it’s often hard to notice the subtle and calmness cues coming from your intuition.
Trauma is kept alive in our bodies, fuelled by our thoughts. And when one experiences trauma, the details are imprinted on the memory and emotional centres of their brains, changing how they interact with everyone.

BROKEN PIECES FROM KOLA (DOMESTIC ABUSE)

He threw my body to the ground
choked me
punched me
pushed me into walls.
He tore my heart
as he tore my clothes.
He robbed me off my peace.

Family scorns me.
I should stay
I should bear the burden
I should carry it well
and not bring shame
to the house and the clan.

But;
Abusing me is never the way
my honour is not yours to take.

It's not weak to speak or ask for help, it’s actually the biggest sign of strength. People may never understand your personal pain or trauma, but they can love you with all they have through it all. HEAL.

You can never pour from an empty cup!
Fill up your cup so you can expand
your nervous system’s capacity for growth,
healing and living your best.

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I LIVE

The phase I was in weeks ago made me question my existence on earth “perhaps, has my time elapsed?” I have escaped a number of accidents for two weeks in a roll. I was on bed rest. Got back on feet and faced yet another accident day after day “I thought my life has come to an end.” “I could barely let food pass my throat; the fear-anxiety and the stress all over it of what becomes of me the next day was too much for my mind” “is death beckoning me?” I asked myself a couple of random questions just to be sure I was on a right spot - safe and sane “I must repent.” “Change my ways, stay sane even in the midst of the rumbling thunder that was ready to take over in my brain.” So I rose up, charged myself up “enough is enough.” My mother had already said a prayer of favor over me. She blessed me right from the day I was conceived. “You shall not die before your time, you shall live to fulfill your purpose on earth; No man anywhere will deny you of your dues, the harvest of your planting

AWAKENING: STORIES UNTOLD, STORIES UNHEARD AND STORIES UNREAD

Chapter one Correct me if I am wrong, but I remember all the words you like to say behind closed doors. She whispered in my ear “I take you as you are and you will be. I won’t try to change you but I will ride out change with you. I see you and I will never ask you to be less or more.” With words so charming and full of meaning, that’s how she destroyed me. I have been awed and terrified by the experience of being in love to the extent that when it’s love, I’d rather close the book and put it back on the shelf. I do not know how to hate no matter how much I have been wronged. I met Tuseke when I had gone for my usual check-up at the hospital. She was there to visit her grandmother who was gravely ill and on admission. She had asked for directions to get to the elderly female ward, that was just the same way to Doctor Mayepi’s office. My all time go to health practitioner. We walked hand in hand and talked about a few things on science and medicine. She hated being a

LETTER TO KAMBANI

Dearest Kambani, I write this note to you for there is an ache in my ribs. Your sugar-coated deceit made its way through and I felt like all the air left my lungs after I heard and read out all your lies. You said; “I will answer you before you even call to me.” Little did I know you were trying to memorize Jeremiah 33:3 on me. You said; “I will be your peace.” But; Don’t be my peace. I already have that. First, be at peace with yourself and everything around you. I know this note will make you remember the warmth of my touch, how it made your heart race, the joy you claimed I brought to you. I had mixed portions of happiness and loyalty between the things I love and you with a pinch of sugar to align the moments. That’s how much I cared. I am blooming in your absence after being trapped in the cage of your lies and deceit, after you sliced me a dose of pain and moments of tears. Leaving you came hand in hand with finding myself – Broken but Functional.

YOUR FOREVER LOVER

I normally don't let people in my space, But when it came to you, it was all different. "How is it that you fit so perfectly in my mind?" I want to love you like there's no tomorrow, And when tomorrow comes, I will love you all over again - Forever. There's no place that I won't go to find you on this earth, I will walk miles to find you. Just like wine and roses, You truly complete me; Never did I understand what true love is until I had you in my space. I will be your lover in sin and virtue from across lifetime.

WHISPERS AND PROMISES

In this story of mine you have always been the best chapter! I’d rather take all the storms than have all the sunshine days without you around! Though emptiness consumes me I surely will wait on time to lead me to you, for you hold the pieces that makes me whole! I met an angel; I saw it in your eyes with whispers and lost in your gaze making myself a promise to never let go of you!

LIVIA'S BOOKLET

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