Guest Writer's Profile:
Name: Matilda Phiri
PenName: Matilda Phiri
Genre: ShortStory/Articles/Poems/Proses/Folktales
Profession: Author, Social Worker, Model, Entrepreneur
Location: Malawi
Years of writing: 18 years
THE2020MEGAMEN’SCONFERENCE
“The long awaited men’s conference is finally here,” a loud but husky voice announced on the radio. Immediately, I dropped the mop, rushed to the radio and turned the volume up.“All Men,young and old, let’s meet at Chichiri Stadium for the mega men’s conference,” continued the message.
As a man who was doing nothing important and with no hopes for a wife, I was curious and I quickly made up my mind that I should avail myself on this big day. My curiosity was on what will this conference bring forth on my life?What kind of men wilI meet there and how will they help me with my problems? These were questions that came into my mind and I prayed that this day should really come so that we can share our problems for problems shared are half solved.
The year,2020hasbeenveryhardinhistoryasCovid-19pandemichaswreakedhavocacrossthe face of the earth. The virus invaded the world and messages of how to prevent it, were everywhere such that not following them was out of sheer selfishness. Many of us adopted the messages and with God’s grace the virus was wearing out.In the same year, men who have loved ones have talked and discussed at length the possibility of calling for another conference to shun away from the upcoming Valentine’s Day in February. The said conference would have tobe on the same day as that of valentine so that they should not take their spouses to merry-making places. Unfortunately, the conference did not materialize. It only existed in words and never came to pass. However, I wish it could have happened. I wanted to hear the objective for such a conference?I wantedtoknowwhatwomenhaddonetodeservesuchaghastlytreatment.I am a troubled man when it comes to asking a girl out and somehow I thought to myself that the conference could also be a chance for me to learn skills of how to cajole a girl. Anyway, the year,2020hasbeenverybadandIwillforgetnotabitofit.
Months later, the social media was abuzz with news of the birth of Stingy Men Association of Malawi (SMAM), an organization for men which aims at promoting the habit of saving money by being stingy to girlfriends and wives.As mysterious as it sounds, it made me freeze withterrorhearingthenameandtheobjectivesitpurportedtoachieve.Iwonderedtomyselfasto
what has happened to men to the point of instigating an organization that aims at denying women access to money? I wondered if the bible has changed because the last time I checked it said loud and clear that, men should love their wives and that women should submit to their husbands.Isn’t loving your wife translates into respecting her, buying her things and giving her some money for her daily needs? Where are men getting these strange ideas? I have run out of words and I choose to close my mouth. Nevertheless, I know every problem has a well-structured solution. All these stories we hear have a remedy waiting somewhere. Stories about men raping women and infants, what a disaster of a year! Huh! Only God knows. I am too young to comprehend the events of this year.
We should appreciate that long at last men’s conference is finally coming. We will hear what they have prepared for us. We are patiently waiting for what the organization at large has for us and what the guest of honour has it installed for us. “I will be the first to reach there”, I spoke to myself. The good thing is that the messages of the conference will have spread everywhere and it will take place in all the regions of the country. This is the chance for men who have unansweredquestionstogettheirquestionsanswered.Iamnotsparedonthequestionpart.IalsohavealotofquestionsthatIwillaskonthatday.
The other thing that troubles me is the way how we suffered at Polytechnic University. We slept outside school premises and ate soya pieces a thing which never happened during the reign of Kamuzu Banda, the father of this nation (May his soul rest in peace). My parents once told me that . Sorrow grapples me when such is news in our modern universities. How do we expect students to do better when they have poorest diet ever?Sometimes,we create problems ourselves,problems which only drag us backwards instead of treading forward.The same applied to the public hospitals so they say. Food was so good and enough to both the patients and the guardians. At least back then taxes had a proven track of their work. Only God knows what has happened to the new Malawi. But all in all, this has to be looked into once more.Schoolsandhospitalsshouldbetreatedwiththeutmostcaretheydeserve.
The news of the conference spread like wind, blowing across all men in the country. I kept thinking of the day and waited patiently for it. In my thoughts were questions and suggestions and my opinions which would help one ortwomenwhowillpatronizethisconference.What
pains me is seeing a man, with two eyes and strong enough to work, crawling in the face ofdarknessstealingfromotherpeople’shardharvest.Manyarepeoplewhoarephysicallychallenged and visually impaired. These men desire normalcy so that they can use their strengthandfeedtheirfamily.Why could anormalpersonresorttostealing?Itisofnodoubtthewrathofhellfireawaitssuchmen.
And what about these girls and women who opt for abortion when they have pregnancies? Whywould you terminate the precious lives of the unborn babies? Funny enough, they claim to abortbecause the pregnancy came unacceptably. What a funny joke! Didn’t you know that what youwere doing would lead to pregnancy? You are worse just as thieves and hellfire is burningwaiting to consume your fresh. You are murderers. You are killing God’s creation. Worse stillsome men seem to have their head malfunctioned. They impregnate a girl and confidently tell hertoabort.Whatadisaster!Youareinvitingacurseuponyourlifeyoushallgnashteethsomedayifyoudon’trepent.
Another thing that brought pain to me is the story of my school friend. He had a girlfriend fromschoolandthenhemetawhiteladyandfellinloveoncemore.Good,itwasaladyandnotaman like what other men are doing falling in love with fellow men. My friend with his newgirlfriend, a white lady, went to Mangochi to have some fun in the lake. While there, they tookpictures of themselves and shared them with his first girlfriend. However, he lied to her tellingher that the white lady helps him pay his school feels. He lied like this to his girlfriend with noconscious at all. Men have become worse and we need to be helped. Our dignity has gonemissing.
Anotherburningissueisbeer.Ihavetoadmitthatwe,men,havegonebeyondmeasuresintaking liquor. Alcohol has become our engines and that is why we are not acting in a dignifiedmanner. Alongside alcohol is Indian hemp (Chamba). We smoke Indian hemp every day as if it’sa dosage. Wouldour heads work properly with this kind of behaviour? Obviously no! And weare killing ourselves. Those who do it, if you have excess money share with your friends whoneed it to start a small business so that they can transform their lives for the better. We need thisupcomingconferenceandIhavepreparedforit.
Thedayfortheconferencecameandtheconferencewasthefirstofitskind.Menandboysofnot less than 18 years patronized the conference. I had never seen such a large gathering ofpeople. It was men all over the place. They were all wearing nice suits in different colours.Everyone was eager to listen to what had brought us to the conference. I was also wearing a suitwhich I wore when I was graduating from Polytechnic University. Most of us need to findsomething to do; the business of any sort or work because we have laboured with our school andweneedtoseethefruitsofit.NEEFshouldcomeinandhelpus.
“I welcome you Mr State President and the Vice President to our first ever Men’s Conference,”the convener said. All eyes stared at him. “Let me also welcome all the distinguished guests. Wehave representatives from all the countries in SADC region; feel welcome wherever you are. Irecognizethecompaniesandorganizationsthathavesponsoredthisevent.Finally,letmewelcome every man who has graced this occasion. Your presence speaks volume to the womenout there that we are more united than they think we are. We’re here to show them that men havewoken up; women shall not take advantage of us again. We say NO to gender violence of allforms!”
Therewasadeafeningloudapplause.
The ululations subsided down and the convener continued speaking. “First of all, my name isMkwapu Khaulisa. I am working with Dzuka Malawi, an organization that looks into the welfareofwomenandchildrenwhoarepronetoviolence.Ithaspleasedustoorganizethisconferencesothatwecantrytochangethingsthathavegonewrongamidstourselves.”
“The first thing that has rotten is a habit of a few men who are raping women and infants in ourlocalities. What is the problem with you men? What has gone wrong? Today is your day, expressyourself. Why does this keep happening? What is the problem that needs to be fixed”? Hepaused,waitingforareactionfromtheaudience.
“These women are rude these days” shouted someone from the crowd. “They refuse us our rightsin the bedroom. What are we supposed to do then if they refuse us? And again these women aredisrespectfulwhenweaskthemout.Theyrudelyturnyoudown.Theymakeyoufeelembarrassed.Andwhatcouldamandoinsuchcircumstance?Yes,rapingwomenisbadbut
somehow these women should change in their behaviors towards men”. The crowd chanted overhiswords.
“I understand your concerns”, said the speaker. “I will make sure that I channel these concerns tothesewomensothatsomethingshouldbedoneurgently.Womenshouldnotdenymen’sbedroom right and they should not make fun of men proposing love to them. A little respect isparamount for co-existence between men and women. It is good this has come to my attention. Iwillrelaythemessage”.
I was so happy to seesuch a multitude of people and thegoodpoints coming out oftheconference. This was also my chance to say something that was troubling me. I asked questionswhichI was responded to. And againI aired outmy concerns and my opinionswhich weregladly welcomed and put into consideration. In the end I was lucky for I got employed by DzukaMalawi. They employed me because I portrayed maturity in my thinking and they thought myideasandknowledgeshouldbeputintogoodusebyemployingme.
The conference exposed us to pieces of advice. The first was that those who have no wives orhusbands and that it is hard for them to propose love; they should consult their chiefs or theirpastors.There, at the chief’s place or pastor’s, they should specify the spouses they want so thatwhen such a person comes along, they should be matched and arrange a marriage thereafter. Thiswas helpful especially to me since I find it hard to ask a girl out. This would help many of us toget married and again drastically reduce rape cases in our country. A plea to the chiefs andpastors, treat this with the utmost sincerity. Don’t make fools out of people who are looking forspouses otherwise the law will take its course over your conduct. This current regime will makesurethatyoupayforyouroffence.
Another thing that interested me and which I learned from the conference was the idea that wemen should show that we are men by being strong, independent and hard workers in order toachieve our goals. Through that these girls and women will fall for us. Our achievements willcoax women towards us. He gave an example of people in Tanzania. Tanzanians sell sugar cane,knife-pealed, so that customers should not have to labour peeling it.He also said people theresell dried oranges, bananas, and mangoes which are preserved long before in their season. Thegoodthingaboutthesedriedfruits,ashesaid,isthattheyretaintheirsweetnessandsome
customerspreferdriedonestofreshones.Wehavelearntalotandweareaskingourgovernment or any other non-governmental organization to help us with a machine that dries upthesefruits.Wecanbeincooperativestoutilizetheuseofthismachine.
Other method of curbing the habit of sleeping with children was suggested by one member. Hesaid that the government should sensitize people about rape just like it did with Covid-19.Messages of rape and the punishment attached to it should be spread far and beyond so that therapistsshouldbeputtofear.Letthelawstaketheiractionsagainstsuchmenjustastheydidwith2019electionshereinMalawi.
“Sometimes parents should see to it that they sensitize their children about child molestation”someone from the crowd shouted. “If a boy touches a girl’s breasts or any other part without herconsent, the girl should report him because he is molesting her. Girls should be told that theirbody should not be touched by men for if that happens, rape cases may be on the rise. There isalso a need to put a stop to the habit of men calling these little girls their wives. That tendencygives these girls a false protection which if it is not checked can lead to rape cases. Why would agrown-up man call a very little girl his wife? This tendency will someday lead to some evil act.For example, if this man calling the little girl, my wife, decides to take her out claiming he wantsto buy her sweets, this innocent girl will succumb to that trap and in the end, she might get rapedby this man. These men and those who rape the little girls should be punished severely. Theyshould pay five goats or be sent to prison for raping little girls. Parents we should not allow anyman even those around them to play with our little girls. Let us all protect our little girls fromthesemonsters.Itismypleathatwe,as men,shouldchangeandmayGodhelpus”
“Parents should have interest in their children”, another man shouted. “They should protect theirchildren just as they do with their money. Parents cannot allow someone to take away theirmoney and this should apply to their children. Do not let your children play outside your site.Don’t allow the children to be fond of strangers who may have evil thoughts. These childrenshould be our friends. We should talk to them, listen to their stories. Every night we should beasking them how was their day and if any man touched any of their body parts. We should beopen to them so that they open to us. With this we will defeat the devil” the crowd ululated at hisremarksandtherewashandclappingandchantingsongs.
“Parents should also see to it that their children are dressing properly before leaving home”, yetanother man from the crowd spoke. They should not dress in see-through attires or any attire thatare inappropriate. Sometimes the devil may make men to rape a girl just because of the way thegirl has dressed. We should also advise our girls on seating postures. They should seat properlysothattheydonotexposetheirprivateparts”
Allinall,I havelearnta lotfromthisconference.Therewereconstructive pointsatthisconference. This should be the beginning and it should happen annually so that we can betransformed. “But wait a minute, what is that happening around Robins Park and Kwacha? Whohas authorized the robbery of phones and people’s wallets there? What is wrong with you men?Please respect yourself and refrain from that habit. Those trees are not to your advantage to robpeople. Work hard and eat your own sweat. I will report this to the police so that they shoulddisguise themselves as civilians. Try to rob them at your own peril. You will be hunted down inall the places you hide. We are tired ofyou. Enough is enough. Its timeyou pay the price foryourcrimes.Youshouldfacethelawnow”.Thisalsocameoutfromtheconferenceandwewere all glad for this. We should thank God for this wonderful and fruitful conference that wehad. Women too have desired it and they plan to have a conference of their own so that they caneducate and sensitize one another about things that affect them. And again, they want to findbetter ways of protecting themselves from evil men. They also intend to discuss about how theycan care for their families. And so, it is true good things never fill a spoon. The conference cametoanendandyes,ourMalawiwillneverbethesame.I’myourstruly‘MayamikoMvereni.’
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