Those words kept lingering in my head over and over again for years.
The ache within me of how Nditha got off me was what I couldn’t
handle.
I repeatedly assured myself that whatever was going on Nditha wasn’t a part of
it. Perhaps it was just his family scheming over me to leave their son. They never
really liked me from the very start. They said I was too young for their son. But
love found us and we wanted each other; how about now? What happened to us?
His uncles had come with a message for my uncles. The dowry they
paid on my head must be returned since there was no marriage. They gave us three
weeks to finalize the whole arrangements. I stood on my ground to say my
marriage was still on until Nditha spoke to me himself but he never did.
My family returned the bride price; I was told to move out of the house we had
bought together; they said I had no child for them thus I had no right to the
house. They practically took everything we had earned since we got married. My
mother told me to just let it go.
“Have courage to let go of people who leave your heart
confused. Let go of waiting for people you have always treated kindly to treat
you kindly.”
Nine years down the line, I still didn’t hear anything from
Nditha. Rumours had it that he was seeing another woman a year after we got
married and she was the one who invited him to Seychelles – they got married
and he didn’t see the reason to keep me.
I worked hard in everything I did. Not because I had to but
because my life depended on it. Nditha left when I was in my third year. The whole
incident took a toil on me and I had a repeat semester. When I got back to
class, I focused.
I let go of “failing in love with potential and failing in love with the idea
of someone rather than who they truly are and holding my breath, hoping for
things to change.” I realized I was the key to the change I needed.
In the space of nine years, I have achieved a lot. My academic
journey is heavy and I am established. The company I work for celebrates and
values me thus I have benefits and bonuses, properties and investments attached
to my name.
“I am made of grace and favour, flowers and diamonds, power and
strength. I am unbreakable.”
That has been my motto all the way.
On my thirtieth birthday, I was highly celebrated. I had my
family, friends, colleagues and business
associates turning up for me and it was all beautiful.
Just at the time when I blew my candles, the last person I wish
to see showed up.
He came wearing a smile; “the nerve he had!” “The audacity!” I wonder what made
him think he was welcomed to the party.
“A real man faces you and spills what’s making his heart beat
fast. A real man nurtures you and doesn’t run like a coward. A real man will
grow with you and communicate properly. When things get bad, a real man will try
to make things work, keeping both of you in mind. A real man is about his
woman-about making her feel safe, empowered and well protected.” I said that to
his face.
He shouldn’t have shown his face to my party. Of all the days
he thought best to come on that day to reconcile and talk gibberish.
He’s back with a luggage of stories and folktales. How he wasn’t aware of what
his family did to me. He claims he is ignorant of everything; he has been
sending me money through his mother; Really? Who does that in this era?
Nditha is back with a bag-full of apologies and excuses and I do not know
either to believe it all or blush him off and focus on what I have built. What
Do We Do?
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting and letting go
of what the other person did, rather, it is saying I want to make space for
more love not less.”
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