LIVIA'S BOOKLET

Getting a heart break is never the worst part - it's what comes thereafter what kills you. Choking back sobs - crying on the bathroom floor - feeling their arms around your reflection but not seeing anyone holding you. Memories lingering in the collection, yet none is strong enough   to set you free. Asking yourself if there's an end to such cruel confusion - for you never wished for such delusion. Hoping for a day you'll say their name out loud without feeling like a part of you is missing. Hoping for the day when you don’t have to lock yourself up to avoid meeting people but because being by yourself is enough!

We really ain't the same, You've dragged my name Through every rumour, every whisper But as for me, I call your name out in prayer Asking God to relieve you all the stress and Heal the parts of you that lash out at others. I have always laid your name before the one who sees it all - for His unending love to touch the places in you that hurt so much - that made you hurt others!

I write an elegy to the cruelty of this earth. I am relieving my heart from aches. Taking all the red flags and lies from Those who didn't love me well and Starting a bonfire. I am giving myself a love that will Draw me a bath after having a bad day.   Though I have been taught Yes goes down a lot easier, I am giving myself permission to say No! Not letting anyone tell me different......even me

I have spent so much time Trying to be complete. Spent so much time Convincing myself I'm in my final form. But, I realize that I'm just a rough draft I'm not finished - I am a work in progress, Rewriting myself with new experiences, new mistakes, Reminding myself I'm not supposed to be finished yet, My story is still being written and The best chapters are yet to come.

I used to be a person who responded immediately, double-texted and went above and beyond to keep in touch. A year down the line, I have become quieter, I no longer text anyone unless it's work or urgent personal matters or family and no one texts me either. I am prioritizing my mental health. Whenever I feel the stir of overstimulation, I retreat, I breathe, I pray. I have changed so much in a year. Life have shaped me in some areas and renewed me entirely in others. But, I hate that I still care. It's frustrating to still have feelings for people who no longer are a part of your life. The idea of them being with someone else makes you break down randomly - it upsets your stomach. I have been struggling to adjust to all these changes - my mind have been cluttered with so many thoughts - my emotions felt so much to bear - I could hardly catch my breath. I learnt to cast my burdens in exchange for rest, to worry less about things that didn't trouble my yesterday - navigating...

I'm tired of being labeled strong, Of surviving things that should have taken my life long. Some days, I fear my ribs will break, Crushed beneath the weight I've learned to undertake. But I yearn to make peace with every part of me, To lay flowers, offer incense, honey, and forgiveness freely. I want to honor each scar, each wound, each pain, And give them my blessing, letting them be, releasing the strain. I'm turning pages to new chapters in this season, Growing new wings, achieving, overcoming, and finding reason. I'm cleansing my soul, making space for what's divine, Exchanging the weights that held me back for a heart that's aligned.