CASTING MY BURDENS

I used to be a person who responded immediately,

double-texted and went above and beyond to keep

in touch.

A year down the line, I have become quieter,

I no longer text anyone unless it's work or

urgent personal matters or family and no one texts

me either.

I am prioritizing my mental health.

Whenever I feel the stir of overstimulation,

I retreat, I breathe, I pray. I have changed so

much in a year.

Life have shaped me in some areas and renewed

me entirely in others.

But, I hate that I still care.

It's frustrating to still have feelings for people who

no longer are a part of your life.

The idea of them being with someone else makes

you break down randomly - it upsets your stomach.

I have been struggling to adjust to all these

changes - my mind have been cluttered with so

many thoughts - my emotions felt so much to bear -

I could hardly catch my breath.

I learnt to cast my burdens in exchange for rest,

to worry less about things that didn't trouble my

yesterday - navigating confusing emotions and

finding stillness.

I read somewhere that said;

"We all come with baggages into relationships,

you either trip over each other's things or unpack

together - the right person will surely help you

unpack."

I do not need me a love that feels unsure like its

still deciding if I'm worth holding on to - a love that

hesitates to call me "Mine" like commitment is too

much to offer - a love that makes me doubt myself

and wonder if I am enough or if i'm asking for too

much - a love that gives halfway and it's afraid to stay.

All this have made me to think how life would've

been if I had the chance to really live and loved

right instead of healing from many things.

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AWAKENING: STORIES UNTOLD, STORIES UNHEARD AND STORIES UNREAD

Correct me if I am wrong, but I remember all the words you like to say behind closed doors. She whispered in my ear “I take you as you are and you will be. I won’t try to change you but I will ride out change with you. I see you and I will never ask you to be less or more.” With words so charming and full of meaning, that’s how she destroyed me. I have been awed and terrified by the experience of being in love to the extent that when it’s love, I’d rather close the book and put it back on the shelf. I do not know how to hate no matter how much I have been wronged. I met Tuseke when I had gone for my usual check-up at the hospital. She was there to visit her grandmother who was gravely ill and on admission. She had asked for directions to get to the elderly female ward, that was just the same way to Doctor Mayepi’s office. My all time go to health practitioner. We walked hand in hand and talked about a few things on science and medicine. She hated being around the hosp...

I LIVE

The phase I was in weeks ago made me question my existence on earth “perhaps, has my time elapsed?” I have escaped a number of accidents for two weeks in a roll. I was on bed rest. Got back on feet and faced yet another accident day after day “I thought my life has come to an end.” “I could barely let food pass my throat; the fear-anxiety and the stress all over it of what becomes of me the next day was too much for my mind” “is death beckoning me?” I asked myself a couple of random questions just to be sure I was on a right spot - safe and sane “I must repent.” “Change my ways, stay sane even in the midst of the rumbling thunder that was ready to take over in my brain.” So I rose up, charged myself up “enough is enough.” My mother had already said a prayer of favor over me. She blessed me right from the day I was conceived. “You shall not die before your time, you shall live to fulfill your purpose on earth; No man anywhere will deny you of your dues, the harvest of ...

LETTER TO KAMBANI

Dearest Kambani, I write this note to you for there is an ache in my ribs. Your sugar-coated deceit made its way through and I felt like all the air left my lungs after I heard and read out all your lies. You said; “I will answer you before you even call to me.” Little did I know you were trying to memorize Jeremiah 33:3 on me. You said; “I will be your peace.” But; Don’t be my peace. I already have that. First, be at peace with yourself and everything around you. I know this note will make you remember the warmth of my touch, how it made your heart race, the joy you claimed I brought to you. I had mixed portions of happiness and loyalty between the things I love and you with a pinch of sugar to align the moments. That’s how much I cared. I am blooming in your absence after being trapped in the cage of your lies and deceit, after you sliced me a dose of pain and moments of tears. Leaving you came hand in hand with finding myself – Broken but Function...

WHISPERS AND PROMISES

In this story of mine you have always been the best chapter! I’d rather take all the storms than have all the sunshine days without you around! Though emptiness consumes me I surely will wait on time to lead me to you, for you hold the pieces that makes me whole! I met an angel; I saw it in your eyes with whispers and lost in your gaze making myself a promise to never let go of you!

LETTER FROM JERICHO

Let me be a man who will never compromise the truth but rather speak of the truth in love. Let me be bold and be trusting you in all things that are worrisome to me. Let me heal all my wounds instead of spreading the pain. Let me outgrow all the spaces I have shrank myself to fit. Let me pick up courage with my hands even when I am not sure of how strong they are to hold it all.

LIVIA'S BOOKLET

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