CASTING MY BURDENS

I used to be a person who responded immediately,

double-texted and went above and beyond to keep

in touch.

A year down the line, I have become quieter,

I no longer text anyone unless it's work or

urgent personal matters or family and no one texts

me either.

I am prioritizing my mental health.

Whenever I feel the stir of overstimulation,

I retreat, I breathe, I pray. I have changed so

much in a year.

Life have shaped me in some areas and renewed

me entirely in others.

But, I hate that I still care.

It's frustrating to still have feelings for people who

no longer are a part of your life.

The idea of them being with someone else makes

you break down randomly - it upsets your stomach.

I have been struggling to adjust to all these

changes - my mind have been cluttered with so

many thoughts - my emotions felt so much to bear -

I could hardly catch my breath.

I learnt to cast my burdens in exchange for rest,

to worry less about things that didn't trouble my

yesterday - navigating confusing emotions and

finding stillness.

I read somewhere that said;

"We all come with baggages into relationships,

you either trip over each other's things or unpack

together - the right person will surely help you

unpack."

I do not need me a love that feels unsure like its

still deciding if I'm worth holding on to - a love that

hesitates to call me "Mine" like commitment is too

much to offer - a love that makes me doubt myself

and wonder if I am enough or if i'm asking for too

much - a love that gives halfway and it's afraid to stay.

All this have made me to think how life would've

been if I had the chance to really live and loved

right instead of healing from many things.