HEALING AND RELEASE

I have made peace with all the women I once was.
I have poured incense and honey,
layered flowers at their feet.

The weight of memories,
the burden of pain,
I release it all, like autumn leaves that wither and wane.
I let go of the shame, the guilt, and the fear,
Embracing the freedom that comes with each passing year.

As I heal and release, I make space for the new,
A chance to rediscover, to renew, and to break through.
I honor the women I've been, and the one I'm yet to be,
A phoenix rising, reborn from the ashes of me.

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AWAKENING: STORIES UNTOLD, STORIES UNHEARD AND STORIES UNREAD

Correct me if I am wrong, but I remember all the words you like to say behind closed doors. She whispered in my ear “I take you as you are and you will be. I won’t try to change you but I will ride out change with you. I see you and I will never ask you to be less or more.” With words so charming and full of meaning, that’s how she destroyed me. I have been awed and terrified by the experience of being in love to the extent that when it’s love, I’d rather close the book and put it back on the shelf. I do not know how to hate no matter how much I have been wronged. I met Tuseke when I had gone for my usual check-up at the hospital. She was there to visit her grandmother who was gravely ill and on admission. She had asked for directions to get to the elderly female ward, that was just the same way to Doctor Mayepi’s office. My all time go to health practitioner. We walked hand in hand and talked about a few things on science and medicine. She hated being around the hosp...

LOVE LETTER TO TOBI

Tobi; You are the chapter that I didn’t know it’s words. No matter what takes place, my heart will always choose you. Like a bedtime story book, I will open my chest and read to you all my love. I said; “I want to relearn love in a beautiful way.” and I knew the universe remembered me the day that I met you. You have given oxygen to the parts of me that were suffocated, energy to my broken bones. Your name belongs at the tip of my tongue, I want to speak of you and with you all day long cause there’s a certain kind of magic in your name. I want to wrap my entire body around yours. I want the love that ravishes and envelops me. My hands long to hold you, to lace my fingers all over your lips, to feel the whole of you on my skin, to breath your scent and fill my lungs with your precious cologne. Kegi….

LETTER TO KAMBANI

Dearest Kambani, I write this note to you for there is an ache in my ribs. Your sugar-coated deceit made its way through and I felt like all the air left my lungs after I heard and read out all your lies. You said; “I will answer you before you even call to me.” Little did I know you were trying to memorize Jeremiah 33:3 on me. You said; “I will be your peace.” But; Don’t be my peace. I already have that. First, be at peace with yourself and everything around you. I know this note will make you remember the warmth of my touch, how it made your heart race, the joy you claimed I brought to you. I had mixed portions of happiness and loyalty between the things I love and you with a pinch of sugar to align the moments. That’s how much I cared. I am blooming in your absence after being trapped in the cage of your lies and deceit, after you sliced me a dose of pain and moments of tears. Leaving you came hand in hand with finding myself – Broken but Function...

CHAPTER 28

The truth failed to set me free. I do not know how to speak the truth without it sounding like an apology, But I am learning to share the room with peace. You said these broken pieces won't fit together, But I have out grown those words and will shrink to fit, For courage has greeted me. Drop me here and leave me be, This is just a chapter not my whole story....

CASTING MY BURDENS

I used to be a person who responded immediately, double-texted and went above and beyond to keep in touch. A year down the line, I have become quieter, I no longer text anyone unless it's work or urgent personal matters or family and no one texts me either. I am prioritizing my mental health. Whenever I feel the stir of overstimulation, I retreat, I breathe, I pray. I have changed so much in a year. Life have shaped me in some areas and renewed me entirely in others. But, I hate that I still care. It's frustrating to still have feelings for people who no longer are a part of your life. The idea of them being with someone else makes you break down randomly - it upsets your stomach. I have been struggling to adjust to all these changes - my mind have been cluttered with so many thoughts - my emotions felt so much to bear - I could hardly catch my breath. I learnt to cast my burdens in exchange for rest, to worry less about things that didn't trouble my yesterday - navigating...

LIVIA'S BOOKLET

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