THE UNSEEN SCARS: A REFLECTION ON GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE

Did you know?

Two in six women and two in eight men experience violence  in their lifetime?

Violence  is one of the most pressing human and societal problems. Either domestic, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, mental, physical and more.

Violence  is subtle and it is sneaky. Most abusers are cunning and manipulative. They are aware of what’s going on and what they are doing. Most people abuse to gain control or power over their spouses or partners.

Over 60% of cases in the family courts involve ‘gender violence.’

Most marriages and relationships are going through a different type of violence; some blame it on culture but gender violence can never be justified by cultural norms. Cultural beliefs shouldn’t be an excuse for inflicting pain or fear upon others.

There is a difference between a person who hurts you by making a mistake,

and a person who hurts you by continuing a pattern.

Mistakes can be forgiven. Patterns must be broken. – Ella Hicks

And one thing to put into mind is; it’s not always women who face gender violence, sometimes it’s the opposite way around. Women belittle men every day, they insult them, use them as punching bags and blame them for everything going wrong in the women’s life.

I have met abused women and men who swore not to leave their marriage or relationship certainly because they either made an investment with their spouse or partner or they have children together. They don’t realize that Abuse is a pattern of negative behaviour and it eventually continues; it may be passed down through generations.

Choosing to stay with an abusive partner solely for the sake of keeping the family together might seem like a selfless act, but in reality, it can inflict deep and lasting wounds on everyone involved leading to ‘Mental problems.’

When a victim is in an abusive situation, they tend not to think about the long-term effect such acts may have on them, they just try to survive one day at a time. The long-term effect of abuse is trauma.

Trauma responses can be so loud, intense and pervasive to the extent that it’s often hard to notice the subtle and calmness cues coming from your intuition.

Trauma is kept alive in our bodies, fuelled by our thoughts. And when one experiences trauma, the details are imprinted on the memory and emotional centres of their brains, changing how they interact with everyone.

BROKEN PIECES FROM KOLA (GENDER-BASED VIOLENCE)

He threw my body to the ground

choked me

punched me

pushed me into walls.

He tore my heart

as he tore my clothes.

He robbed me off my peace.

Family scorns me.

I should stay

I should bear the burden

I should carry it well

and not bring shame

to the house and the clan.

But;

Abusing me is never the way

my honour is not yours to take.

It's not weak to speak or ask for help, it’s actually the biggest sign of strength. People may never understand your personal pain or trauma, but they can love you with all they have through it all. HEAL.

You can never pour from an empty cup!

Fill up your cup so you can expand

your nervous system’s capacity for growth,

healing and living your best.