LIVIA'S BOOKLET

“I will scream hope to the sky Maybe the echo of my voice will be written in the clouds for me to read.” I have grown tired of seeking light. I have grown tired of hearing “Tomorrow will be better.” What if it doesn’t? What Will I do? The answers I never got, turned out to be some of life’s biggest lessons. I choose to be hopeful. ~ Kapare

“I look up to heaven like I want to leave the earth. What are the reasons for my stay?” Immerse grief, there is no escape from the earth over it. They say; “grief is the chisel and your soul is the sculpture, what was once important shatters into a thousand pieces.” Surely, we will all experience grief in this lifetime, we will all be obliterated by loss. They say grief is the price we pay for loving and allowing ourselves to care deeply for the things in this world that are finite and momentary. Grief splits you into two at the end of the day. I read somewhere that said; “There is a part of you that is truly taken to the limits of sadness when you have all of this love, all of these plans, these memories of someone who was so precious, so deeply valued, so important-and they’re gone.” I have looked for your name in books. I buy things that resemble everything you ever cherished. I glance at people that have a shape of you. I look for any sign that tells me you are not gone an

There’s Proditiophobia in me. Yes, that’s the word I captured to be my problem. “The fear of being betrayed by someone you love.” People often say; “A good heart is always happy.” Unlike me, I think a good heart gets hurt very badly because it expects only good things from others. That’s exactly who I am. I expect too much from the people I love and I end up being hurt. Most of us always dream about a love that lasts forever. The love we hold can never be buried by six feet of soil. Its broad and incomparable. I am telling my story because if my fears happen to me, it will kill my worthiness. I love Timve. Deep within, my heart beats strong for her and can’t let go but the other part of me is not strong to say the right words to her “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” I am afraid of the disgrace that may come if I pop the question and I don’t have an idea of where and how I should say it to her. They say; “Marriage is so beautiful when you do it right.” Yet still, I read somewhere that said

“As you leave; leave me with a heart that learns not to wait for your return.” Those words kept lingering in my head over and over again for years. The ache within me of how Nditha got off me was what I couldn’t handle. I repeatedly assured myself that whatever was going on Nditha wasn’t a part of it. Perhaps it was just his family scheming over me to leave their son. They never really liked me from the very start. They said I was too young for their son. But love found us and we wanted each other; how about now? What happened to us? His uncles had come with a message for my uncles. The dowry they paid on my head must be returned since there was no marriage. They gave us three weeks to finalize the whole arrangements. I stood on my ground to say my marriage was still on until Nditha spoke to me himself but he never did. My family returned the bride price; I was told to move out of the house we had bought together; they said I had no child for them thus I had no right to the house

I don’t know why people are afraid to talk about grief with each other, but, one thing they don’t tell you is how grief will turn you madly inward. The season of heartache is slow to fade, but just as the leaves shall grow again, hope shall take its place in the hearts of those who have suffered grief. “I married early” as most people put it. I was nineteen when I met Ndikha. A loving and caring man, he understood me the most and was ready to give his all for me. I didn’t want to waste time, when he proposed- I accepted. I moved in with him and we began our ‘happily ever-after.’ I swear, he was my world. My In and Out. I loved how he could find the sun amidst the storm. I knew I had found the right man and a perfect father for our soon-to-come kids. Two years down the line, a lot of things had changed for us. We had grown fond of each other and were getting successful. Ndikha was always sweet, he was the character in a dream which I didn’t wish to wake up from. Towards the end of

Anything else, a happy-healthy life is everything one needs. (All characters and events appearing in this article are fictitious. Any resemblances to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.) I read somewhere that said “love changes you.” But often, it changes you so much that you get to accept things and live in situations you are not supposed to live by. In my youth I was told that; “love is an action and not the feeling you get in your stomach when you see the other person. It’s not how into them you are but to love someone means to take care of them – to show them that you feel for them.” I quote a piece in the book ‘Dear self’ which simply signified the situation I have been; “Sometimes, it doesn’t work out and this ends up being the best thing that could happen to you. sometimes, the ‘right person’ was the wrong one all along but you didn’t realise this.” Yes, I firmly agree. I have only read husband abuse stories in books and seen story headlines on TV,