LIVIA'S BOOKLET

1.    I’m just a girl growing up amidst abuse, I sowed dreams in the little pair of my twinkling eyes dreams to change the world. Every time I look in the mirror I’m enchanted with utter joy that’s filled with aches to see myself growing into a beautiful scorned woman. I ran my fingers through my face reaching the crest of my lips, thinking of ways to give my curves an oomph adoring my body for hours-what on earth this masterpiece is. My faith in humanity was shuddered when first my rights were violated a shiver ran down my spine and I couldn’t move, But I realized; “ a woman’s life is miserable, but all she wants is to reach home safely by the end of the day .”  

    They say; “I don’t write proses about laughter,” that; “sorrow is always the protagonist in every prose I write.” They say; “I am addicted to sorrow and agony.” Have you yet noticed the smiles I wear on pictures? They say; “it's all fake” that; “I often smile back to the heartbroken me.” They say; “I’m tied to the scent of roses,” that; “I put on a smile with them in my hands whilst I am groaning inside to the pain of the thorns.” And I ask; “All these proses I have written do they really reach their desired destinations?” and that; “do you all know the desire and passion buried inside them? Or maybe you are just full of mockery?”

  1.    Like white Sunday clothes you promised to love me. I cling to you cause I thought you made me feel good but you were killing me softly Red eyes Broken ribs Twisted wrist Swollen face a Broken heart is this what you call love?

1.    To the trauma inside my body which parts my personality which suppresses and distracts me from getting my goals done freezing me from running; I deserve all of the chances I reclaim my energy and my essence.  

I have woken up with sorrow falling from my eyes Agony lingering in my heart Light shatters before me and I make peace with darkness instead.  

  You can't fix someone's pain in grief neither can you take it away - soften it or make it more bearable. Rather; you can enter someone's suffering with them - sit in their sorrows, their loss, their pain and Hold our gaze steady on the wreckage and talk alongside them as they find their own way through.

The struggle to keep up With life's pace when grieving and wanting to pause is so real. Wishing a moment of stillness where we can just exist without sorrow fitting our hearts. At times the world expects us to pick up where we left off as if nothing has changed -But everything has changed. Our lives have turned upside down the weight of our grief  can make even simplest tasks feel impossible. You are allowed to step back to seek moments of stillness you crave cause it's okay not to be okay.  

 There are times I don't wish to be here. My heart is tired from being fed all the wrong things. I put my hand on my chest I hear my inner voices screaming; "this year should be named - all things I never thought could happen." There are days like today, When I want nothing but to surrender. I am drowning in my anger but I am learning how to hold on a little better. I close my eyes and look at how I have ignored all the things my heart tried to tell me. It's both a blessing and a curse to feel everything.

  Today; Someone had to say goodbye and they weren't ready. Someone was left only with a cloth of a loved one whilst another was left with nothing at all. Grief robs us the ability to feel joy in moments that should have been magical, changing our depths; Making us re-evaluate everything. As we miss our beloved; I am sending love to you all. May we be held tenderly though; our world can never be what it once was before they left.

Inhale my comfort and I’ll exhale your struggles. I would wage war with all the demons that are meant to hurt you if that’s how you want me to prove my love for you.

On most days I didn’t want to stay quiet, I wanted to tell the world how broken my heart was. But then I thought; What would the world do with my grief when it was so ugly about my joys.

I have been lost in my daydreams Dressing my soul up in honey allowing myself the stillness But, how can I be so happy yet so sad and empty at the same time? I fear I will forget what living feels like.