I RISE

Feels like I am dying tonight.
They never warned me about these moments.
They never told me Healing cannot save me but can only teach me
not to experience pain again - to find peace within.

Feels like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I haven’t felt like myself in years, my sky is down pouring.
I have tried holding back my emotions
thinking it’s a sign of strength - I am dying.

Some days I am tired till my eyes sting.
Some nights I am filled with heartache and yearning.
I never allow myself the same energy that I radiate
onto others because I am a pretender.

I don’t need to know if the ending will be a happy one for it is beyond my control.
I don’t need to build walls to keep myself safe or strong.
I am so fragile, I can easily break
I am so overwhelmed, I can explode.

I have been on probation most of my life.
I have walked through madness and gathered a stronger sense of self.
I will have so much light inside of me one day and
I will run out of places to put it, I will be overflowing.

With every fibre of my being; I know I am bigger than my body - my soul is rare.
There will never be another me again.
There will be days my lungs will breathe joy for the first time in a long time
There will be days I will heal because that’s what I have been doing my whole life.

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AWAKENING: STORIES UNTOLD, STORIES UNHEARD AND STORIES UNREAD

Correct me if I am wrong, but I remember all the words you like to say behind closed doors. She whispered in my ear “I take you as you are and you will be. I won’t try to change you but I will ride out change with you. I see you and I will never ask you to be less or more.” With words so charming and full of meaning, that’s how she destroyed me. I have been awed and terrified by the experience of being in love to the extent that when it’s love, I’d rather close the book and put it back on the shelf. I do not know how to hate no matter how much I have been wronged. I met Tuseke when I had gone for my usual check-up at the hospital. She was there to visit her grandmother who was gravely ill and on admission. She had asked for directions to get to the elderly female ward, that was just the same way to Doctor Mayepi’s office. My all time go to health practitioner. We walked hand in hand and talked about a few things on science and medicine. She hated being around the hosp...

I LIVE

The phase I was in weeks ago made me question my existence on earth “perhaps, has my time elapsed?” I have escaped a number of accidents for two weeks in a roll. I was on bed rest. Got back on feet and faced yet another accident day after day “I thought my life has come to an end.” “I could barely let food pass my throat; the fear-anxiety and the stress all over it of what becomes of me the next day was too much for my mind” “is death beckoning me?” I asked myself a couple of random questions just to be sure I was on a right spot - safe and sane “I must repent.” “Change my ways, stay sane even in the midst of the rumbling thunder that was ready to take over in my brain.” So I rose up, charged myself up “enough is enough.” My mother had already said a prayer of favor over me. She blessed me right from the day I was conceived. “You shall not die before your time, you shall live to fulfill your purpose on earth; No man anywhere will deny you of your dues, the harvest of ...

LETTER TO KAMBANI

Dearest Kambani, I write this note to you for there is an ache in my ribs. Your sugar-coated deceit made its way through and I felt like all the air left my lungs after I heard and read out all your lies. You said; “I will answer you before you even call to me.” Little did I know you were trying to memorize Jeremiah 33:3 on me. You said; “I will be your peace.” But; Don’t be my peace. I already have that. First, be at peace with yourself and everything around you. I know this note will make you remember the warmth of my touch, how it made your heart race, the joy you claimed I brought to you. I had mixed portions of happiness and loyalty between the things I love and you with a pinch of sugar to align the moments. That’s how much I cared. I am blooming in your absence after being trapped in the cage of your lies and deceit, after you sliced me a dose of pain and moments of tears. Leaving you came hand in hand with finding myself – Broken but Function...

WHISPERS AND PROMISES

In this story of mine you have always been the best chapter! I’d rather take all the storms than have all the sunshine days without you around! Though emptiness consumes me I surely will wait on time to lead me to you, for you hold the pieces that makes me whole! I met an angel; I saw it in your eyes with whispers and lost in your gaze making myself a promise to never let go of you!

LETTER FROM JERICHO

Let me be a man who will never compromise the truth but rather speak of the truth in love. Let me be bold and be trusting you in all things that are worrisome to me. Let me heal all my wounds instead of spreading the pain. Let me outgrow all the spaces I have shrank myself to fit. Let me pick up courage with my hands even when I am not sure of how strong they are to hold it all.

LIVIA'S BOOKLET

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