Have met
broken men before, and it’s a catastrophe.
They all hide their brokenness somewhere, fearing judgment because society
labels a man as the strong one.
If a man
reports abuse, violence, or trauma, they say, "He's too weak to be
considered sane," or "Too strong to be sympathized with."
But he has
demons he fights alone, searching for light and freedom while his spirit is
crushed under life’s trials.
BROKEN
PIECES FROM OBWERA
Dearest
Ndapita,
I write
this note as part of my broken pieces, struggling to make them whole.
I clearly
remember how you said to my face that "I carry poverty on my skin like
birthmarks" and that "men are only good at chapter one of every love
story." Your words made me hate the mess my emotions brought.
My chest
felt heavy at every memory of you. In those moments, I saw no meaning in
life—the reason to live. Death beckoned me every second. Should it be a rope? A
staged accident? Poison in my tea? I entertained countless thoughts of death;
suicide became my best last option. But I survived every attempt—another chance
to live, though haunted by painful memories that still echo like sharp objects
in my head.
I have
sabotaged myself time and again. I am exhausted, yet I still want to draw
breath.
I now
forgive myself for believing that people can change for you—for sacrificing my
dreams and ambitions just to impress you.
You left—my
sanity left with you. There was no meaning in anything around me. I experienced
a mental breakdown. I go on my knees each time, wondering if there’s another
way to label pain and brokenness. I wish I could extract the aches from every
part of me without leaving scars on my skin because I realize I have battles to
fight, wars to win.
So, I got
up from the ground and affirmed my worth.
I read
somewhere that you are worthy of the moon, the stars, and every glimmer of the
world.
Lastly, I
thought to let you know that I have charged up my self-esteem. I am working on
my ambitions and dreams. I grew tired of the suffocating feeling that hovered
over me.
Even when
society says, "A man should always toughen up," I say, "A man
should refuse to suffer in silence. There’s nothing wrong with speaking up!
Mental health should be a priority!"
Obwera.
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