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MAN IN TROUBLE

The world usually tells us that men can’t be victims of abuse. The media tells us men are just the perpetrators of violence, but never the victims. These are just myths.

Domestic violence can and does happen to men too. But many men choose to remain silent because they think there’s no point in reporting the abuse and no one will ever believe them or they will be laughed at.’’


I got married to Zanille a year and a half ago;

Our wedding was colorful, perfect just as she wanted it.

The attire, the deco, the catering were all on point. We spent so much money on it.

5months into our marriage which I perceived to have been a happy home, Zanille started complaining of different things.

She constantly said she needed to change her wardrobe, get new hair accessories, order cosmetics which she saw online, buy designers shoes; “But you did that just 2months ago?" To her it didn’t matter when last she bought herself luxury wears; even if it were yesterday, she would still need something new today.

She wanted to drive a Madza CX-5 "But it hasn't been up to 6months I got you the BMW X6-Series you are driving now. And you have a BMW X4 parked outside." That didn’t make sense in anyway.

She kept nagging that I didn't want to take care of her, I wanted to turn her into a laughing stock in our neighborhood and amongst her friends. She made accusations that I was seeing another woman who I was spending all my money on.


She resigned from her well-paying job with the insurance company and said it was best she stayed home and take care of everything yet we had two house-helps. One who was doing all the house cleaning and our laundry and the other one was for the kitchen. I was the one paying them.


She completely stopped getting into the kitchen to cook for us, making the bed or keeping the room tidy- she left it all in the hands of the maid.

I loved Zanille, I tried to reason with her how important it was to do her wifey duties- before I knew it she stopped letting me touch her. The only times she allowed us make love as a couple was when I made a cash transfer to her bank account-paying for what lawfully belonged to me.


Whenever I came home after 7pm, Zanille would pounce on me, insult me and do whatever she wanted to.

I was weak- per how my friends said it.

I remember confiding my circumstance to my friends Wilford and Simon after they noticed how constantly I was going to the clinic to get treated of bruises, they profusely laughed at me for letting a woman beat me. “Was I even man enough?” they wondered.

They never heard of husband battling. Why would I let my wife beat me? I needed to man-up! show-up! Let her know I was the man, the head of the house.

The society doesn't condone husbands beating their wives. If I ever did, I was going to end up in jail.

I loved Zanille too much to even lay a finger or utter an insult on her. She was once that sweet girl I madly fall in love with but had turned to a beast.


Each day I got humiliated by her. Food was no longer served to me. She instructed the maids to stop taking my orders and ignore me. She made sure my days were horrible and I got tortured than before on daily basis.

My clothes were no longer being washed. I had to do my own laundry. The times the maid offered to help and Zanille found out, she ended beating up the poor girl and accused us of having an affair. She left our bedroom for the other spare room.


I had no where else to go to make a report of violence I was getting from my wife. I was afraid of the responses I would get if I made a complaint. Who would have believed me? Are men really victims of violence? Do they ever face abuse? Everyone thinks it’s a woman thing only. The case may even be ruled over in her favor, I didn’t want to get embarrassed. 

I had bruises all over me time to time. My face was black and blue. She kicked me without mercy, talked to me as if I was her teenager son and treated me without remorse. I was losing my sanity day by day. Everything was affecting me emotionally, psychologically and my physical being.


She bluntly warned me not to even try going out to talk about it with her family let alone mine.

I tried keeping it all to myself until I opened up to my cousin Emily who comforted me and promised to help out. I just needed to let it out off my chest and get relieved; Somehow, I made a mistake confiding in her. Emily went to the house to talk and reason with Zanille over it, but she challenged her that she was in no way going to be taught how to treat her husband nor how to run her home affairs. They had a heated argument- that was what Emily told me over the phone after she left the house.


I remember when I got home that evening, Zanille welcomed me with pouches and kicks- I barely knew I married a monster as a wife. I wanted to fight her back but Alas! It was too late, she poured hot water on me and it landed all over my body. I lost conscious on spot.


I am writing this statement; perhaps experience from the hospital bed, with hot water burns all over my lower side, my face and part of my left upper side. It hasn’t been easy but I am trying to revive myself. The saddest part of it all is that the doctors said I have an erectile dysfunctional, the hot water got on me really bad. I am trying to process that fact too. How will I adapt to that life? The trauma is still there. I don't know if I will ever get to love Zanille or any other woman again.

Since I regained my conscious, I haven’t seen Zanille coming to see me but Emily briefly told me she’s on-the-run but the police are looking into it.

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