LIVIA'S BOOKLET

We really ain't the same, You've dragged my name Through every rumour, every whisper But as for me, I call your name out in prayer Asking God to relieve you all the stress and Heal the parts of you that lash out at others. I have always laid your name before the one who sees it all - for His unending love to touch the places in you that hurt so much - that made you hurt others!

I write an elegy to the cruelty of this earth. I am relieving my heart from aches. Taking all the red flags and lies from Those who didn't love me well and Starting a bonfire. I am giving myself a love that will Draw me a bath after having a bad day.   Though I have been taught Yes goes down a lot easier, I am giving myself permission to say No! Not letting anyone tell me different......even me

I have spent so much time Trying to be complete. Spent so much time Convincing myself I'm in my final form. But, I realize that I'm just a rough draft I'm not finished - I am a work in progress, Rewriting myself with new experiences, new mistakes, Reminding myself I'm not supposed to be finished yet, My story is still being written and The best chapters are yet to come.

I used to be a person who responded immediately, double-texted and went above and beyond to keep in touch. A year down the line, I have become quieter, I no longer text anyone unless it's work or urgent personal matters or family and no one texts me either. I am prioritizing my mental health. Whenever I feel the stir of overstimulation, I retreat, I breathe, I pray. I have changed so much in a year. Life have shaped me in some areas and renewed me entirely in others. But, I hate that I still care. It's frustrating to still have feelings for people who no longer are a part of your life. The idea of them being with someone else makes you break down randomly - it upsets your stomach. I have been struggling to adjust to all these changes - my mind have been cluttered with so many thoughts - my emotions felt so much to bear - I could hardly catch my breath. I learnt to cast my burdens in exchange for rest, to worry less about things that didn't trouble my yesterday - navigating...

I'm tired of being labeled strong, Of surviving things that should have taken my life long. Some days, I fear my ribs will break, Crushed beneath the weight I've learned to undertake. But I yearn to make peace with every part of me, To lay flowers, offer incense, honey, and forgiveness freely. I want to honor each scar, each wound, each pain, And give them my blessing, letting them be, releasing the strain. I'm turning pages to new chapters in this season, Growing new wings, achieving, overcoming, and finding reason. I'm cleansing my soul, making space for what's divine, Exchanging the weights that held me back for a heart that's aligned.  

The year 2024 was a transformative journey, one that taught me happiness isn't always wrapped in milestones. Instead, I found myself carrying a needle and thread, stitching myself back together, trying to conceal the unraveling of my smallest parts. This was the year I poured my heart and soul into something I deeply desired. Yet, I discovered that behind every smile lies a silent battle – we're all fighting to hold ourselves together. In the midst of chaos, I found a wildfire burning within me, a haze in my gaze, and a storm brewing beneath my skin. But I've come to realize that it doesn't matter how loud the world cheers or who's watching – I am where I belong. I am a dream, a vintage melody, a siren's song. This chapter of my life was meant for me to navigate alone, practicing independence and embracing solitude. I bought myself flowers, celebrated my progress, and found pride in every battle I fought. Those struggles weren't gentle, but they were necessa...

This year has been a paradox of survival and loss. Even the most breathtaking sunsets have felt bittersweet, reminders of the pieces of myself I've left behind. I've made it through the storms, but not without scars. My joy, faith, patience, self-esteem, hope, and purpose – all have been tested and tried. I've taken the road less traveled, hoping for a shorter, more peaceful path. Yet, I wonder who I would have become without the weight of these experiences. This year has taught me that happiness isn't always tied to milestones or achievements. Sometimes, it's found in the simple moments – like sipping coffee on my sofa, free from the need to be anywhere else. Despite all that I've lost, I've also gained so much. I've grown, learned to embrace change, and discovered that even in the darkest moments, I am still here. I'm not sure how I made it to December, but I do know that the imperfections and lessons – even the painful ones – have shaped me into s...

  Never did I imagine that marriage could be this difficult for me. I married a woman whom I timelessly called my best friend. We had a great understanding of each other’s needs and desires. But I am disturbed from the recent change of behaviour and a turn of events. I am losing it. I have been going through sexual violence in my marriage and it’s no lie that my partner needs help. At this moment, I am beginning to suspect that my decision to marry was either haste, wrong and extremely a bad decision. Akante was that sweet girl I kept thanking God over in the very first days of both our relationship and marriage. We had kept ourselves apart on sexual issues until the night of our wedding. Our first sex escapede was great and gentle, nothing to worry about until three months over it when Akante made me resort to certain kind of weird sex positions and experiences and it’s been giving me sleepless nights and making my days uncomfortable. “Sex is a crucial part in marriage.” I read th...

Did you know? Two in six women and two in eight men experience violence  in their lifetime? Violence  is one of the most pressing human and societal problems. Either domestic, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, mental, physical and more. Violence  is subtle and it is sneaky. Most abusers are cunning and manipulative. They are aware of what’s going on and what they are doing. Most people abuse to gain control or power over their spouses or partners. Over 60% of cases in the family courts involve ‘gender violence.’ Most marriages and relationships are going through a different type of violence; some blame it on culture but gender violence can never be justified by cultural norms. Cultural beliefs shouldn’t be an excuse for inflicting pain or fear upon others. There is a difference between a person who hurts you by making a mistake, and a person who hurts you by continuing a pattern. Mistakes can be forgiven. Patterns must be broken. – Ella Hicks And one thing to p...

As we observe the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, I'm reminded of the often-overlooked reality of domestic abuse against men. The world tells us that men can't be victims of abuse, that we're always the perpetrators. But I'm here to tell you that's a myth. My marriage to Zanille was picture-perfect, or so it seemed. We had a beautiful wedding, and everything appeared normal. But behind closed doors, I endured physical, emotional, and psychological abuse. Five months into our marriage, Zanille started complaining about various things. She wanted new clothes, accessories, and luxury items, despite having everything she needed. I tried to reason with her, but she became aggressive and accusatory. The abuse escalated over time. Zanille would insult me, beat me, and humiliate me in front of our househelp. I was trapped in a living nightmare. I had no one to turn to, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I confided in my friends Wilford and Simon, but the...

Twelve years have passed since my father left my side, but the ache of his absence remains. It's a hollowed-out feeling that echoes through every moment, a reminder of the love and laughter we shared. His passing left an unfillable void, a chasm that can never be bridged. Yet, even in death, his presence continues to shape me. His love, his guidance, and his unwavering support remain the north star that navigates me through life's turbulent waters. As I navigate the complexities of life without him, I'm reminded that grief is a journey, not a destination. It's a path that winds and twists, sometimes leading me through dark valleys, other times guiding me to breathtaking vistas. But even in the darkest moments, I find solace in the memories we created together. I find strength in the values he instilled in me, and I find comfort in the knowledge that his love will always be with me. So as I mark this twelfth year without him, I want him to know that I'm still feeling...